Fodder for a Blogger

The last few weeks I have placed my blog on hiatus.  Not because I didn't have stories to tell but because I am knee deep and involved in renovating my home projects.  Yes, not renovating my home but my home projects. I have "re" prioritized several times and have received second and third opinions.  I think I have it narrowed down to at least ten projects.  

While the paint is drying in the bedroom, I thought I would take a minute to jot down the strangest (funniest) sayings/stories I've heard from friends and family over the last few weeks. All these are quotable meaning, yes, I did hear them with my own two ears - no exaggeration however the quotes' owners will remain anonymous.  

• Don't you take the toilet paper leftover in hotel rooms? I do.  My last vacation I was gone for 11 days. Everyday when the cleaning crew came in, I took the new roll.  I am set for at least the next two months.
• I am wearing red underpants said by a friend...at the dinner table.
• I am ready to workout and get back to the gym.  No, I am not.  My back hurts.  No wait, my head hurts.  Actually, I am just not ready.
• Everyone looked so nice at the party.  Some looked like they got their dresses on the clearance rack.  They only showed up with half of it on.
• I don't need to hand out business cards, everyone knows who I am. 
• I want you to write about me in your blog. It's more fun when you write about me.  Really, Grant?
• I won this jacket.  It cost me $1000...at the casino.
• Can I please take out those pillars?  It would look so much better. Even if there are holes in the ceiling afterwards, it would look much better.  Spoken by someone with a sawzall in their hands for the first time.
• Are you using a tanning booth?  Because it looks and smells like it.
• Do you listen to me?  "Huh?" on the receiving end.
• If "Words with Friends" doesn't work on your phone, buy a new phone.
•  I think the "real" butter on the popcorn is what made me sick...not that the bag of microwave popcorn was two years old.
• Will you please call them back and tell them that we are bringing dinner over to their house? I don't like what they are serving.
• What is the number 7, Angela? - OK, this one is an inside joke but quite quotable.