Sunday, April 24, 2011

Things I've done, you should never do


Date a Parking Meter
While walking downtown one sunny day on my way to a meeting with people I'd never met before, I was scurrying along while reading email on my phone.  I like to multitask as much as possible. I slammed into my new best friend, a parking meter...with my jaw.  Needless to say, after feeling blood in my mouth, I made it to the meeting on time but explained my inability to say my name correctly while introducing myself.  It was a humbling experience.

Be a Creeper
As most of you know, I have a 7 month old kitten, Cooper, who I adopted from the local humane society. He loves to play, especially in the morning, while I am getting ready for work so I participate as best as I can.  I crept up on him one morning and when he turned around to see me, he freaked, jumped at my face, all four claws stuck to my skin, realizing we were both anxious about this move, he took off in terror.  Calmly, I took a deep breath, turned around to find the only band aids I had were bright purple, pink and blue.  Yes, I had to wear them for a couple hours!

Throw a Friend
I love to golf.  I've been playing for 13 years.  I have a handicap of 28.  For those of you who don't play golf, it's not a handicap that will make you any money.  In fact, I would never quit my day job.  One day, while playing with friends on a course, (which will remain nameless) I was driving the cart (I believe that was the last time I was allowed to drive a cart) the grass was a bit wet.  As I approached the putting surface,  my eyes caught the white line (no carts passed the white line).  I slammed on the brakes and there she goes, my best friend, Angela, flew from the cart.  I wanted to gasp for air and grab her but I found myself laughing hysterically, it was in such slow motion.  Unfortunately, she hurt herself and was unable to golf the remainder of the day.  To this day, I am not sure which one hurt her the most - her body or not finishing the game! 

Walk Across Hot Coals
As a young girl, I loved to run bare foot on the beach at the lake.  In fact, my grandparents had a cabin at Diamond Lake. One evening as the sun was setting, I ran past a couple of cabins to meet up with my summer time friends. As I approached them, I ran through hot ash from embers that were burning earlier in the day.  I had to wear bandages and slippers for two months - long into the school year.  To this day, I am thankful I don't have scars but fair warning on your summer outings, wear flip flops and pay particular attention to gray sand.

Create a Designer Milk Shake
I am not a whiskey drinker.  I think it takes a certain palette to entertain the taste or it maybe because it's for people of a certain maturity.  The one and really only time I had whiskey was with three girlfriends.  We were  juniors in high school.  None of us had ever had a lick of alcohol. It was a Friday night. The parents were away. We had vanilla ice cream.  The plan was to watch some movies and make homemade vanilla milk shakes.  We brought out the whole milk, the vanilla bean ice cream and the blender.  We sampled the shake and all agreed it needed something.  We didn't have chocolate sauce but we found some Jack Daniels under the sink.  None of us had ever tasted it before but it was brown.  "It might taste like chocolate sauce," one us said. Let's just put it this way, those shakes were quite tasty - a little too tasty.  When the parents came home, we were IN TROUBLE and asleep.  I wonder why?!

Wait too Long
When I was 28 years old I decided after five years it may be time to go in and have an annual physical and take care of the woman test - that being the Pap.  Ten days later my life radically changed.  I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  I am an optimistic person by nature however the word, cancer, when it involves yourself, tests that level of optimism.  I had huge family and friend support and after surgery, was in remission.  Three years later, the cancer returned.  After another surgery, significant support and perseverance, I have been in remission for seven years. Whether you are a male or a female, please don't wait too long.  

Don't wait to tell your family and friends how much you love them on this Easter and don't wait for that darn annual exam because life is too short.  






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